“I lost all trust in myself”, says Alison Sudol on sexual abuse storyby Beatriz F. Souza
Alison Sudol, who plays Queenie Goldstein in J.K. Rowling’s new series Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, made a live stream this Monday (16) on Instagram exposing the sexual harassment she suffered at the beginning of her career.
The actress, who is also a singer and songwriter, explained that she never wanted to talk about the situation publicly but, moved by the accusations against Harvey Weinstein, she felt encouraged to share her story, as she believes it could help other people who went through something similar.
Visibly shook, Alison tells in video that, in her late teenage years, she met a producer willing to help with her music. Immediately excited and grateful for the support of someone already established in the industry, they started to work together. However, at some point, the unnamed producer started to make her uncomfortable by showing ulterior motives. Although his behaviour got more frequent and sexually explicit, the actress tells that she tried to get over the discomfort because she could not walk away from it due to the emotional attachment she had created with the work they were making. It was also during a moment when she was not talking to her father so, it was comforting to have someone older, an authority figure, defending and supporting her.
I said so many “no’s” to him. No. No. No. No. No. All the time I said “no”. It was strange how little effect they had.
When the sexual abuse took place, Alison remembers feeling like she would never be the same and that her innocence was taken away. Emotional, the actress talks about how she could relate to the Harvey’s case accounts, seeing that the women who spoke up about it also felt responsible for what happened.
“I don’t wanna be a victim. I don’t see myself as a victim.”
When her second music producer, even more powerful, also showed abusive behaviour in the workplace, Alison started asking herself if there was something wrong with her to attract men with those intentions. Severely depressed, the actress tells that she used to “eat her feelings” to, somehow, change her body, in which she did not trust anymore.
During the live stream, the actress was outraged by a few comments the viewers made, calling her “very sexy” and even asking her to take off her clothes.
At last, Alison warned that a way to identify abusive behaviour is to analyse the feeling he causes in the victim. “If you don’t feel good about it, then it is not right”, she explains. Not long before signing out, the actress, touched, invited all women who had suffered from sexual abuse to raise their voices.
“You’re not alone. We have to stand together as women. We have to change this system.”
I am so moved by all the tweets that I am getting right now. Thank you.
— Alison Sudol (@AlisonSudol) October 16, 2017